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She told me that she loved me
It's just too bad she lied
She kissed me with her tainted lips
And poisoned me inside
She told me we'd always be together
She said we'd never be apart
She promised it would be forever
She swore she'd never break my heart
But she left me here
And it's such a shame
She only stayed
to cause me pain
She watched me cry
She wanted to see
She watched me die
And she laughed at me
She kissed me with her tainted lips
And poisoned me inside
She told me that she loved me
It's just too bad she lied
Stock Photo -
Horror Texture -
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:iconhydexlacee:
HydexLacee Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2009
i relate to this so much right now.
Reply
:iconkathleenaisha:
kathleenaisha Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2009
- xO-Kaffaleen's new account..
you can also find the (updated) picture here :)
you are extremely talented poet, keep it up!
ox.
Reply
:iconhiddencrying:
Hiddencrying Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2008
I love it, and I know we've all been through it!

This is my heart-broken poem [link]
Reply
:iconxo-kaffaleen:
xO-Kaffaleen Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2008
i used your poem as inspiration for this.
thankyou for such a wonderful poem (:
xxxx
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:iconunlovedpoet:
UnLoVeDpOeT Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2007
<3
Reply
:iconemilysextacular:
EmilySextacular Featured By Owner May 2, 2006
:+favlove:
Reply
:iconm4sterscorpion:
M4sterScorpion Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2005   Writer
wooooooow fucking awesome description ;)
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe thank you:)
Reply
:iconnotwhatyousee:
NotWhatYouSee Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2005
:clap: love it! Sad, but great.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:glomp:
Reply
:iconneurotic-flyer-69:
neurotic-flyer-69 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2005
:clap: this is just such well written poem and it's sad :( but i love it :)
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconneurotic-flyer-69:
neurotic-flyer-69 Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2005
your welome hun anytime :glomp:
Reply
:iconchipmunk2k5:
Chipmunk2k5 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2005   Writer
Holy #@%$ lol that was nice I have felt that way TWICE with the same girl and now she is my girlfriend again.. I dont think she'd laugh at my death but that was a deep poem. Check mine out if you wouldnt mind.. And tell me what you think. :)
Reply
:iconanada27:
anada27 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2005
How do you come up with better and better poems each time?? i loved this one
Reply
:iconashlynn052006:
ashlynn052006 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2005   Writer
wow I love that poem so much emotion. I love to picture...
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks:hug:
Reply
:iconashlynn052006:
ashlynn052006 Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2005   Writer
yup, do you mid if I add you to my watch list?
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't mind at all:D
Reply
:iconmaudrid:
Maudrid Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2005
The Poem had a chronological flow to it:
:bulletblue:She promised all these things
:bulletblue:She left and broke her promise
:bulletblue:She had no remorse.
Then suddenly it does a confusing jump, back to 'She kissed me with her tainted lips'.
After reading the next line I understood what you were trying, but you should have been more subtle in returning to the theme.

My clubs:

My Friends IRL:
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
An old idea - but you have done nothing new with it.

The shortness of the rhyming lines creates a terseness that ill-suits a theme of betrayal.

There was a spark of colour to this piece with the lines
'She kissed me with her tainted lips
And poisoned me inside
'

However, you didn't extend the metaphor far enough to create anything of note, or to overcome the cliched nature of the imagery.

The poem suffers from the minimal use of poetic device.
Where is the imagery?
Where is the subtle interplay of sound?
Where is the interesting wordplay?

Where in the poem does it allow a reader to do their own thinking?

Possibly some things to think about should you care to :)

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconneepheid:
neepheid Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2005
The simplistic rhyme does not sit well at all with the subject matter. It would seem to lighten the reading, trivialise it. The repetition of the first and last lines does lend some structure, gives it a chant-like feeling.

To be honest, there isn't much to get excited about here. I feel like I am being dictated to here, rather than being allowed to read and imagine things for myself. This does not make for engaging reading, in my opinion.

Seeing as you've submitted this piece in "Fixed", I'd appreciate an explanation of the specific poetic form that you are using here.
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:iconi-kno-nothing:
i-kno-nothing Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2005
thats really good, keep it up
:heart:
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconi-kno-nothing:
i-kno-nothing Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2005
of course :heart:
Reply
:iconalollipope:
alollipope Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2005  Hobbyist Digital Artist
lovely..strong emotion
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks:cuddle:
Reply
:iconthe17dreamer:
The17Dreamer Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2005  Student
Nice :music: :heart: !
Reply
:iconchainjamadas:
chainjamadas Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2005   Writer
I liek this alot, liek all your work......brava!!
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconyoung-lesbian:
young-lesbian Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2005
omg...not ANOTHER fav-worthy poem...lol...these r so hard to resist :P
great pic too :thumbsup: :D
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:D
Reply
:iconturbopat:
turbopat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005   Writer
i like this, it's very good...i like how you started it and ended it with the same two lines, that had a good affect. nice work.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconjarz:
jarz Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005
totally kool
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks:)
Reply
:iconjarz:
jarz Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2005
no probs
Reply
:iconsplatterbrainedgrrl:
splatterbrainedgrrl Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005
wow i really like that alot the was grate i love you stuff.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:)
Reply
:iconsplatterbrainedgrrl:
splatterbrainedgrrl Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2005
your welcom i realy like your work it is good to look at and i like you talent
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
:aww::hug:
Reply
:iconhorid-nightmare:
horid-nightmare Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005   Writer
very very nice i liked it a lot. i know how it feels
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you for the :+fav:s :hug:
Reply
:iconpoulet:
poulet Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2005   Writer
nice preview picture!!!
Reply
:iconpureatheism:
pureatheism Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2005  Hobbyist Digital Artist
very good, I love it :) :+fav:
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:cuddle:
Reply
:iconred-hot-chili-pepper:
Once again a great piece, and another fav. to add to t'list...
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you:cuddle:
Reply
:icondestined2fail:
Destined2Fail Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
:clap: great job!
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
Reply
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January 19, 2005
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