Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconskinnylittleschizo: More from skinnylittleschizo


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
October 3, 2004
File Size
1.0 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
3,574
Favourites
91 (who?)
Comments
126
Downloads
256
×


I wish I had it all,
Wish I could be like you,
I wish everyone would admire
Every little thing I do
When you walk into a room,
Every head turns your way
But when I even try to speak,
No one hears a word I say
I'm off in the corner
Sitting by myself
Just a worthless tattered doll
Left on a dusty shelf
I'm only here
To make you look good
And I'd break your pretty face
If I could
Your perfect body,
Your long blonde hair,
The life you live,
Its isn't fair
Your tiny waist
And your DD's
I'm right infront of him
But you're all he sees
Your long legs, blue eyes,
And your perfect smile
When I think of you
The feeling's vile
But only because,
I know it's true...

He'll never look at me,

The way he looks at you...



~ashley carver
...
Add a Comment:
 
:iconoritpetra:
I know this feeling too, and it's definitely not a nice one. :no: :hug:

The rhythm you have going in this is really fantastic. The only thing I could suggest is to perhaps punctuate with periods to make things flow a little better/quicker. Most of the time it's not an issue but it really tripped me up and broke the rhythm here:

And I'd break your pretty face
If I could
Your perfect body,


It took me a few seconds to figure this out. At first I thought it should read "If I could have / your perfect body," but then realised that "If I could" went with the previous line.

But that's a really minor and nitpicky issue in an otherwise great piece! :heart: :cuddle:
Reply
:iconthe-photographicpoet:
the-photographicpoet Dec 4, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Hello there, your art: work has been featured in The A,B,C's of Literature: J

I hope you like the feature and please show your support by :+fav:ing the article :)

Thank you very much
Sammie
:butterfly:
Reply
:iconviralenvy:
ViralEnvy Jul 12, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
This is fantastic!
Reply
:iconfuel-the-fire:
Red hair, not blonde. :/ at least in my case.
Reply
:iconred-kyuubi:
red-kyuubi Sep 10, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know I'm like... 5 years late, but this made my jaw drop! Bravo! :jawdrop:
Reply
:iconpiggaletto:
Piggaletto Oct 22, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
awesome :+fav: the person im jealous of has long blonde hair and blue eyes..... : \
she's a bitch

lol
Reply
:icon44e:
omg that's so how I feel right now!! awesome poem.. :D
Reply
:iconsmehuranka:
its very good honestly
Reply
:icondriventochaos:
DrivenToChaos Mar 13, 2008  Hobbyist Photographer
I really know how you feel. Thats such a powerful piece of poetry. *faves* amazingly written
Reply
:iconderkleinefreak:
bloody hell ... i think this is my favourite .. i couldn't have said all that a better way, but it's something i feel everyday and i'm so sick of it ... you know, all those pretty people (who call themselves my "friends" btw) always need someone ugly to compare with and see, they're so much prettier than them ... i'm so sick of being someone like that.
Reply
Add a Comment: