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:iconskinnylittleschizo: More from skinnylittleschizo


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Literature by Lil8

Poetry by pink-angel-emma

poetry by RavensTear


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Submitted on
February 20, 2005
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Don't you know
She bleeds for you,
For eveything
You say and do?
Don't you know
You hold her heart?
Can't you see her
Fall apart?
She hurts just to feel your touch
She lives her life in denial
You treat her like shit, and she loves you so much
She bleeds only to make you smile
Can't you see
The pain she's in?
Your heart is all
She wants to win
And for you, she keeps on trying
And believing all your lies
Don't you know that she is dying?
Can't you see it in her eyes?
She falls just to make you laugh
She breaks just to make you love her
She'd do anything to be with you
But you're never even thinking of her
You taught her exactly
How to be
You taught her how
To make you happy
But she'll never be good enough
No matter how hard she's tries
And she'll live for you, you'll own her soul
until the day she dies
The art was done by the lovely It goes perfectly with my poem I think:) She's so talented...go see the rest of her gallery!
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:iconattesa:
Attesa Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2006
I'm not so sure about this, it seems like something every "depressed teen" is writing. I have to say I almost automatically cancel out any poem with the line "believing all your lies" and the rhyming of heart with fall apart. The repetition is also generic and if you'll notice alot of your comments say something like "I can relate to this very well" which is the mark of frenzied young girls trying to get the worlds sympathy.

My suggestion for the future? If you would truly like to improve and become a good writer try first of all looking around most of the other poetry and making a mental note of lines said too many times, try writing about how your pain looks as opposed to feels. Try writing about how your pain smells, lives, sounds anything but literally how it feels. That tension and pulling feeling in your chest is something to ignore (unless you've got expirience enough to depict it in a new light). Try new points of view (and that doesn't just mean changing the words me with she/her/him/my favorite pen). Read some truly classic poetry, get inspired and never stop until you're satisfied ;)
Reply
:icondmone:
dmone Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2006
How true. I like tje way how you wrote you. Keep it up!
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:iconandersonart:
AndersonArt Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2005   Writer
its scary how much I related to this. Unbelievable job. nice one.
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
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:iconragdollmystery:
ragdollmystery Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2005   Writer
you now how to make your thoughts come out...god i wish i was as good as you!
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:iconduranged:
Duranged Featured By Owner May 27, 2005   Writer
awsome work

deff a fav :star:

good show
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner May 28, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you:aww:
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:iconduranged:
Duranged Featured By Owner May 28, 2005   Writer
your welcome
Reply
:iconunlovedpoet:
UnLoVeDpOeT Featured By Owner May 14, 2005
i like it! :heart:
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:iconflytru:
flytru Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2005
wow this is awesome
Reply
:iconflytru:
flytru Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2005
wow this is awesome
Reply
:iconvampireofdeath:
vampireofdeath Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2005
wao....you sure know how to get me to the heart.... im crying right now... i feel like this... and it hurts so much.... and it wont stop... beautiful poem....love it...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dark vampire
Reply
:iconvampireofdeath:
vampireofdeath Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2005
wao....you sure know how to get me to the heart.... im crying right now... i feel like this... and it hurts so much.... and it wont stop... beautiful poem....love it...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dark vampire
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
sorry you feel that way:petting: but thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconrawbonesstudio:
RawBonesStudio Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2005
Gorgeous Image-:)
Reply
:iconyoung-lesbian:
young-lesbian Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2005
i know a girl who used to behave just like that, but for someone else (a dude) unfortunately. good job!
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks:)
Reply
:iconsimone18:
Simone18 Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2005
Don't you know
You hold her heart?
Can't you see her
Fall apart?

and ... "you'll own her soul"

these are my favourite lines!!! its the best! I love your poetry its so honest and yet so real its almost fanciful? does that make sense?? I really like this...although i shouldnt say i like it because of what the female has had to go through just to form the creation of it!!
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
well thanks very much:heart:
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:iconsimondo:
simondo Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2005
i like it...it's simple but has so many other levels...you've really got your point across, it's great:D
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:D
Reply
:iconumma-ohz:
umma-ohz Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2005
oh, thats so brilliant! Really well done! :D
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:heart:
Reply
:iconsexygraffiti:
sexygraffiti Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2005
that took my breath away. so deep.... my god. <3
Reply
:iconkittiesdontsmoke:
kittiesdontsmoke Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005
that is beautiful! i know how that feels to have someone you would go through all of that for. absolutly beautiful and your right the picture is perfect for it
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconkittiesdontsmoke:
kittiesdontsmoke Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005
yup yup
Reply
:icongweedo2oo1:
GWeeDO2oo1 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005
The image fits the feelings expressed in the poem. I like the layout, each line quick and simple. Great job on the writing.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
Reply
:icongweedo2oo1:
GWeeDO2oo1 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005
You are very welcome :)
Reply
:iconbloodykiss666:
bloodyKiss666 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005
:omfg: :worship:.....these words.....i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!
cuz i feel now in this way.....:omfg:...i LOVE IT!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
lol thanks:cuddle:
Reply
:iconbloodykiss666:
bloodyKiss666 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005
:O.....wheeeeee!!!!!!you're welcomeeeee!!!!!!...i wanna thank you to wrote this NICE poem!!!!!
ehmmm...painfully...^^;.......:glomp:
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe:D
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:iconmagikhobo:
magikhobo Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005
that really good, love the photo and the way it contrasts
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:iconnalster73:
nalster73 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005   Writer
heheh as soon as i started reading from start to end it totally drained me of the mood i was it...
Reply
:iconmykemicalfailur:
Mykemicalfailur Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005
oOo...the picture is awesome!!! and I love the poem...it's wonderful!!! :clap:
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconmykemicalfailur:
Mykemicalfailur Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2005
welcome! :D :glomp:
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:iconhollowsins:
Hollowsins Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005
love it
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:)
Reply
:iconchibi-fan:
chibi-fan Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005
I like it.... :flirty: and I think is perfect with the poem
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks:aww:
Reply
:iconstaceey:
staceey Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005
love it sooo much! i agree it should be a song, maybe sounding like HIM, sounds like something theyd do. i really like it!
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe thank you:D
Reply
:iconred-hot-chili-pepper:
Another really well-written poem.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:aww:
Reply
:iconsunshinevirus:
sunshinevirus Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2005  Professional Writer
why is this the way i feel :(
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