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:iconskinnylittleschizo: More from skinnylittleschizo


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Submitted on
February 20, 2005
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Don't you know
She bleeds for you,
For eveything
You say and do?
Don't you know
You hold her heart?
Can't you see her
Fall apart?
She hurts just to feel your touch
She lives her life in denial
You treat her like shit, and she loves you so much
She bleeds only to make you smile
Can't you see
The pain she's in?
Your heart is all
She wants to win
And for you, she keeps on trying
And believing all your lies
Don't you know that she is dying?
Can't you see it in her eyes?
She falls just to make you laugh
She breaks just to make you love her
She'd do anything to be with you
But you're never even thinking of her
You taught her exactly
How to be
You taught her how
To make you happy
But she'll never be good enough
No matter how hard she's tries
And she'll live for you, you'll own her soul
until the day she dies
The art was done by the lovely It goes perfectly with my poem I think:) She's so talented...go see the rest of her gallery!
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:iconattesa:
I'm not so sure about this, it seems like something every "depressed teen" is writing. I have to say I almost automatically cancel out any poem with the line "believing all your lies" and the rhyming of heart with fall apart. The repetition is also generic and if you'll notice alot of your comments say something like "I can relate to this very well" which is the mark of frenzied young girls trying to get the worlds sympathy.

My suggestion for the future? If you would truly like to improve and become a good writer try first of all looking around most of the other poetry and making a mental note of lines said too many times, try writing about how your pain looks as opposed to feels. Try writing about how your pain smells, lives, sounds anything but literally how it feels. That tension and pulling feeling in your chest is something to ignore (unless you've got expirience enough to depict it in a new light). Try new points of view (and that doesn't just mean changing the words me with she/her/him/my favorite pen). Read some truly classic poetry, get inspired and never stop until you're satisfied ;)
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:icondmone:
How true. I like tje way how you wrote you. Keep it up!
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:iconandersonart:
its scary how much I related to this. Unbelievable job. nice one.
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Sep 6, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:hug:
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:iconragdollmystery:
you now how to make your thoughts come out...god i wish i was as good as you!
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:iconduranged:
awsome work

deff a fav :star:

good show
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:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo May 28, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you:aww:
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:iconduranged:
your welcome
Reply
:iconflytru:
wow this is awesome
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