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You found me
And you took me in
You helped me
Wash away my sins
You turned my life,
My world around
You picked me up

Then you threw me down

Now everything that used to matter,
Means nothing anymore
I watched the world around me shatter
Just like the world I knew before

Everything I thought we had
Everything that we've been through
Everything I ever cherished
Never meant a thing to you

Everything you ever told me,
You never meant a word of it
And everything I've ever loved
Has either died or turned to shit

My hopes and dreams
Have disappeared
The pain, the shame
It draws me near
Now everything
Is crystal clear
What I yearn for
Is what I fear

Now everything looks better,
So much better from below

But the part of me that used to care

Died a long time ago....
Not sure what I like better, the poem or the art....what do you think? poetry or visual poetry category?


Stock


Brushes

Add a Comment:
 
:iconfadingcookie:
FadingCookie Featured By Owner May 15, 2009
I it alot.
Reply
:iconsuper-yan:
super-yan Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2008
nice!
i think you might like my writings
Reply
:iconxxraven666xx:
xxraven666xx Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2008
wow, love the poem, love the picture, you must keep both or I shall find you somehow and eat you
Reply
:iconxselenaraex:
xselenaraex Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2008
stop..these poems are way too good it's sacring me
Reply
:iconlost-soul-nagata:
Lost-soul-nagata Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2008
you are an awsome poet!!
Reply
:iconderkleinefreak:
DerKleineFreak Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2008
man, i can't get enough of your poems .. gonna add all of them to my faves :D congrats, you're amazing!
Reply
:icondaoboebuggie:
daoboebuggie Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2007
the poem was amazing. i think that the picture is good too, but i just loved the poem.
Reply
:iconmadeleine-da:
Madeleine-dA Featured By Owner May 28, 2007
This could have been such an impressive poetry if only you wouldn't have used that pesky word. Yes, I'm talking about "shit". Call me a conservator, but I believe that such words have no meaning in art, although there is a distinct form of literature - don't actually remember how it's called - which uses words considered "ugly" very often, in fact it has been created for being able to use them freely. As you could have already guessed, I despise that literary ideology.

Nice work though, and I'd choose the poetry over the visual anytime.

:hug:
Reply
:iconburningembers:
BurningEmbers Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2007
Nice writing. Love the rhyming :)
Reply
:iconplasticinemind:
plasticinemind Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2007
It's...absolutley great :sniff:
Reply
:iconspikyike:
spikyike Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2006
wow.. this is an awesome deviation. so good!
Reply
:iconliisel:
Liisel Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2006   Photographer
eww...this picture is one estonian girls. do you have licence to use it? ^^
anyway i like it.
Reply
:iconmagicmushroom:
MagicMushroom Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2005   Interface Designer
I love this!!
Reply
:iconlilithlairpoetry:
LilithLairPoetry Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2005
Your poems always have a good delicate flow within the words, and thats what makes it stand out beautifully! Thanks for sharing!
Reply
:iconmentis:
mentis Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2005
such happiness is truly heart warming. the poem is my preference to the picture ;/
Reply
:icontearsoftorment:
TearsOfTorment Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
:+fav:
Reply
:iconndifference:
ndifference Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2005  Professional Writer
If you removed all the cliches you would have about twelve words left. You know what a cliche is, right? Took me in, wash away sin, hopes and dreams, etc. - you know, phrases we've all heard a million times. The problem with cliches is they are not your words. They were strung together by someone else long ago and passed around like the flu. If your poetry is not going to be your words and, by extention, a means of expressing yourself, why are you writing this in the first place? I've already heard thousands of cliches - the reason I am reading this particular poem is because I want to know what you have to say. I've read it twice and all you've proven is you know how to dip into the cultural lexicon and string together worn-out phrases. There isn't one scrap of YOU in here. Aren't these feelings of yours important enough to merit a way of saying them that is unique to you? God, I hope so.

Sorry I couldn't be more positive, but you haven't given me much to go on.
Reply
:iconmadeleine-da:
Madeleine-dA Featured By Owner May 28, 2007
I admit there are some cliches there, but my question is a simple one: how can you be so sure that those words aren't the expression of her feelings and thoughts? The existence of cliches in this poetry doesn't prove that she didn't write down her own emotions, it just proves that she likes using cliches, or maybe she considered that the use of those cliches would express HERSELF best, or who knows? - maybe she lost her inspiration and used cliches to replace it.

There's more than one side to anything. Try and open up to the opinions and feelings of others. However, you did prove a good sense of critique by noticing those "cliches". I'm curious if you even are a writer, or if you appeal to cliches from time to time. There is no such thing as originality anymore; all the things which commonly matter have already been spoken, the only thing we can do is rephrase them as beautifully as possible.
Reply
:iconmadeleine-da:
Madeleine-dA Featured By Owner May 28, 2007
Great... I've been talking to myself... :x
Reply
:iconglitter-tragedy:
Glitter-Tragedy Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005   Writer
*proceeds to add to faves*
Reply
:iconesopoemface:
esopoemface Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2005  Student Writer
i like the poem better frankly. but it's all awesome.
Reply
:iconwintersnexus:
wintersnexus Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2005  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The art for this poem is beautiful and the poem matches...i love it so very desciptive........
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:blowkiss:
Reply
:iconabsalom0:
Absalom0 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2005
You found me
And you took me in
You helped me
Wash away my sins
You turned my life,
My world around
You picked me up

Then you threw me down


That's pretty much it right there. awesome work :)
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks:D
Reply
:icongsgs:
GSGS Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2005
really nice pic, i like it alot - but imo it can't keep up with this stunning poem - it really is formidable :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks you:)
Reply
:iconangel-baby04:
angel-baby04 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2005
........I'm speechless. I LOVED it! I feel EXACTLY like that! I love the rhyming scheme too.... Please keep writing! Check out my gallery if you have the time, I use that rhyming scheme in almost all of my poetry. Keep on writing:)
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you:love:
Reply
:icongedden3456:
Gedden3456 Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2005
Beutiful poem and picture.
Reply
:iconprufock:
prufock Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2005   Writer
The image. I think the photo is beautiful, but the poem doesn't speak to me at all. Far too much telling without enough showing. For example:
"You helped me
Wash away my sins"

How so?

"You picked me up

Then you threw me down"

Again, how? Give me some images, some description that I can work with.

"I watched the world around me shatter" - This line is good - if you would elaborate on it a bit, it would be more of a standout.

"Everything I thought we had
Everything that we've been through
Everything I ever cherished
Never meant a thing to you

Everything you ever told me,
You never meant a word of it
And everything I've ever loved
Has either died or turned to shit"

See, the thing I worry about here is How do you know all this? Were you told, or is it simply exaggeration on the narrator's part? Some of these claims seem pretty unlikely, like "You never meant a word of it." I doubt that. It sounds like the typical break-up emotional rollercoaster whining.

"My hopes and dreams
Have disappeared"

What exactly were your hopes and dreams?

"The pain, the shame
It draws me near
Now everything
Is crystal clear
What I yearn for
Is what I fear"

And that would be? What is it that you yearn for and fear, and why do you yearn for and fear it? And how did everything get crystal clear all of a sudden?

"Now everything looks better,
So much better from below"

Okay, "below" is alright. I was going to come out with "below what?" but the metaphor is actually clear. Unless "below" means something other than "at a low point in my life." But "below" is okay.

"But the part of me that used to care

Died a long time ago...."

Long ago? I had the impression that this was a recent event.

See, there's a distinct lack of description and imagery here. You do bust out a couple good metaphors, but I just can't warm to it.
Reply
:iconaroke:
Aroke Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2005
Definitly fav, picture or not.
Reply
:iconthefireburningwithin:
TheFireBurningWithin Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2005   Writer
The poem's mediocore. I definently suggest varying up word use, so that it is more itnresting. The rhyme is mostly forced and unintresting. I guess it's okay, but it seems lacking in originality.
Reply
:icondarkgoofylove:
darkgoofylove Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2005   Writer
love it it lifts u up and then throws u down agian
Reply
:iconmighty-ninny7:
mighty-ninny7 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2005   Writer
WOW...:clap: that is difently a new fav!! Well done!! :hug: I really like the picture...but I LOVE the poem. It's great and fantastic. Great use of rhyme there and I really relate to this poem. I love poems I can relate to! Again well done!! :)
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you:hug:
Reply
:iconbw13187:
bw13187 Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2005
Yeah, that'd make a great pop song. :|
Reply
:iconacertaineuphoria:
ACertainEuphoria Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
wow.... poem vs. visual.... poem wins hands down :nod: .... or is that pens down?!?

:highfive: fantastic use of rhyme and diction... love the bluntness of every line... jam pack with emotion
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
lol

Thank you:glomp:
Reply
:iconoibyrd:
oibyrd Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow...both the manip and the poem are lovely :clap:

such a shame that the stock owner has disappeared :( I used that stock VERY often too...:(
Reply
:iconsleveyizm:
Sleveyizm Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005
People ignore their feelings to mask the pain this is common, everyone needs an escape sometimes or else we would all be crazy. nice poem
Reply
:iconfunkydoryjackanory:
funkydoryjackanory Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005
this is sad and very beautiful at the same time. i can totally relate to your work. my ex treated me like **** and messed me up alot but i am on the mend. anyway...well done :clap:
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you:heart:
Reply
:icondreamthief2004:
Dreamthief2004 Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005
Really like this one, your poetry always reminds me of Nine Inch Nails lyrics.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Probably cuz Trent's been my idol since I was like 9 lol so yeah he's a big inspiration:p
Reply
:iconencognito:
encognito Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2005
Wow...I love the imagery and raw emotion in your words.
The sense of lost and abandonment in very clear here.
Wonderful piece.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you:heart:
Reply
:iconerinea:
Erinea Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2005
god, i think i'm going to cry (or some shit like that)
well, that bastard deserves death (or even worse) to make you feel like that
u have such a talent with words...i love it
Reply
:iconshadowlance-simple:
Shadowlance-Simple Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2005
Whatever it is, it's brilliant.
Reply
:iconskinnylittleschizo:
skinnylittleschizo Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
hehe thanks:)
Reply
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October 4, 2005
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