I kind of agree with ~milpalabras, there.
a great subject.
a sense of rhythm.
In my opinion, make your lines a bit longer to bring out the rhythm. Think it out more. A great subject, but it seems kinda like only a surface brush on the feelings. Think of some metaphors or analogies.
I'm tellin you this because I see an okay poem that could be excellent.
Work on it! a good beginning!
This was a very shallow piece in my opinion. You're so caught up in your own feelings that you're not really getting the situation across to me. Who are you talking about, what happened? You can't just say oh this is how I feel. You might as well write a haiku and use the word sad three times than to spew out stuff like this.
My advice: you obviously have a thing when it comes to rhyme, so try and broaden your horizons when it comes to diction. Use different words and make the rhymes and the lines more unique. And don't always stick to one exact structure.
it doesn't matter who I'm talking about or what exactly happened. Sometimes I don't want to share the entire story, I like to write things in a way that I understand fully and other readers can relate to however they want.
This is just a quick and simple poem, I agree. I didn't spend more than 5 or 10 minutes writing it. It's not my best piece, sorry to disappoint you
Hey this would be a dead ringer for how I'm feelin right now.As cold and morbid as it sounds,It's nice to know I'm not the only one this planet shit on recently.Sorry if you're upset though.I don't think anybody really deserves any of the shit everyone seems to be so fond of pulling as of late.